October 6, 2024

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Wealthy New Yorkers Explain Why They Left The City

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With actual property costs skyrocketing and distant work providing a possibility for extra flexibility, New York Metropolis has seen a current uptick in rich residents leaving for greener pastures. The Onion spoke with a number of prosperous former New Yorkers about why they left and that is what they mentioned.

Jennifer Williams (Chief Advertising and marketing Officer)

Jennifer Williams (Chief Advertising and marketing Officer)

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“The quantity of white collar crime right here is getting actually scary.”

Hector Stueben (Belief Fund Beneficiary)

Hector Stueben (Belief Fund Beneficiary)

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“My dad mentioned if I don’t use the Martha’s Winery home, he’d give it to my sister.”

Robert Meisner (Media Government)

Robert Meisner (Media Government)

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“Apart from my bodyguard, driver, private assistant, butler, maid, chef, helicopter pilot, different bodyguard, and the truth that I stay in a penthouse on the higher East Facet, what’s there to guard me from all of the crime?”

Jay Nash (Non-public Fairness Supervisor)

Jay Nash (Non-public Fairness Supervisor)

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“Tax evasion.”

Radi Elazazy (Biomedical Engineer)

Radi Elazazy (Biomedical Engineer)

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“I attempted taking the subway for the primary time and ended up on an categorical practice to Newark.”

Jawad Kaleem (Knowledge Scientist)

Jawad Kaleem (Knowledge Scientist)

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“I noticed I hated handy public transport, cultural variety, and the humanities.”

Bilal Ahmed (Funding Banker)

Bilal Ahmed (Funding Banker)

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“I moved to South Rkeyni, the key island nation for wealthy folks.”

Anatoly Petrov (Petroleum Oligarch)

Anatoly Petrov (Petroleum Oligarch)

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“I by no means really lived there. I simply personal 11% of it.”

Jenna Braverman (Monetary Planner)

Jenna Braverman (Monetary Planner)

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“I learn in regards to the pattern in The Wall Road Journal, and who am I to disobey?”

Nerlens Noel (Skilled Basketball Participant)

Nerlens Noel (Skilled Basketball Participant)

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“I used to be traded from the Knicks to the Detroit Pistons.”

Malcolm Jefferson (Advisor)

Malcolm Jefferson (Advisor)

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“If I don’t use this JetBlue voucher now, I lose it fully.”

Ruth Baker (Retired)

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“It’s at all times been my dream to maneuver to a small city upstate and complain about the whole lot.”

Jacqueline Simmons (Legal professional)

Jacqueline Simmons (Legal professional)

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“The bagels in Utah are simply higher someway.”

Zack Fincher (Finance)

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“Upstate New York simply appears like extra of a match for my racism.”

Abner Dworkin (Curator)

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“The subways grew to become unrideable, I think about.”

Thomas Ebbs (Actual property investor)

Thomas Ebbs (Actual property investor)

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“Lastly determined to offer writing considered one of these unhinged manifestos a go, and to do it correctly, you might want to retreat to a cabin within the woods.”

Harry Klein (Tax Legal professional)

Harry Klein (Tax Legal professional)

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“To be sincere, it hasn’t fairly been the identical for me since Jeffrey and Ghislaine left!”

Peter Fabrikant (Hedge Fund Supervisor)

Peter Fabrikant (Hedge Fund Supervisor)

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“Actual property is uncontrolled. It’s unimaginable to discover a first rate 10-bedroom townhouse in a very good neighborhood for below $50 million.”

Amanda Crane (Realtor)

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“I received hit by a Vary Rover at 14th Road and Park Avenue South. I lived, however my costume received caught in its grill. Seems they have been headed to Cincinnati, so I stay right here now.”

Paige Nguyen (Intern)

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“I used to be hire costs and felt like my mother and father weren’t getting a lot for his or her cash.”

Joseph Eames (Prospector)

Joseph Eames (Prospector)

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“President Lincoln’s Homestead Act is a bountiful reward from God. My household’s future lies in unique Minnesota!”

Chad Rodriguez (Funding Banker)

Chad Rodriguez (Funding Banker)

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“You don’t at all times get to select your jail.”

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